No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize