I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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