I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize