Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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