My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
