There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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