what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
