I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
