So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
