just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
