i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
