How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
