dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
