and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
