I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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