im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
