just come out here and I will go home with you...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize