My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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