Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
