She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
