scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
