I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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