I heard we made out
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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