worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
