Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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