dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
