On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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