Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
