I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
