And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
