When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dicks are not precious.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
