I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
