some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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