C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize