she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
