I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
