Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
