Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
