Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
