i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
