And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
