he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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