I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
