she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
