If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize