You're my little dorito
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
