Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
