he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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