beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize