Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
