the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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