it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
