I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
