I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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