i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
