Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
