just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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