I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
