at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
