what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
