Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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