His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
