Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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