You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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