The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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