honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
