at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
